


Unknown

by Dexiha



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Getting Back Together, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Heartbreak, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Jealousy, M/M, Party Games, Spin the Bottle, dealing with FEELINGS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-29 06:14:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19824220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dexiha/pseuds/Dexiha
Summary: After the war, there's an invisible wall between Seamus and Dean and it breaks Seamus heart, over and over again.Or, the one where the eighth years' party games not only makes new relationships bloom, but also brings an old one back together





	Unknown

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you’ve all heard about the eighth year at hogwarts and the monthly assemblies that often involved drunk games. you’ve heard about how both ron and hermione could let their relationship a bit loose during those games, and that ron didn’t care too much about hermione french kissing pansy or that hermione just rolled her eyes when ron happened to be in the middle of blaise and theo, switching between kissing and grinding up against the two slytherins. you’ve heard how harry dragged along draco who just wanted to be invisible but harry refused to let him go unnoticed and they often ended up cuddling together in the corner of the room of requirement, not really taking part in the games. you’ve heard so many stories about those parties and you have often thought jealously about how you’d do anything to attend one gathering, to experience that which you’ve heard so many happy stories about. but you haven’t heard the one story that actually mattered though. the one about dean thomas and seamus finnigan. you didn’t even know that there was a story to be heard. they had always been together, hadn’t they? at least since like sixth year after dean’s break up with ginny weasley… surely their relationship had nothing to do with those parties? oh, but here’s the story about how it had _everything_ to do with those parties.

it was true that seamus had come to comfort dean after the break up and that they spent a lot of time during summer break between sixth and seventh year together and that they at some point during that vacation became more than just friends. but what most people didn’t know was that it didn’t last very long. people thought that they just… got through the war and then got back together as if they had never been apart. but that wasn’t true. dean was too sorry about having to leave seamus behind when he ran away. seamus was too overwhelmed by his emotions to see dean alive again. they were both too held down by the memories of the war. they were still best friends, but something was different, it felt like it was a wall between them when they returned for their eighth year at hogwarts. they couldn’t quite talk as freely with each other as they had before. 

seamus had _hoped_ that they’d get together as soon as possible, just as the public had thought, he had wished that nothing would’ve changed between them. but the moment his arms wrapped around dean’s neck right before the last battle, he had known that his wish hadn’t come true. though his feelings hadn’t wavered - possibly only grown stronger - towards dean, he could feel the invisible wall that suddenly stood between them. he had been careful to not let his disappointment be seen by the other man.

he had managed fine this far, continuing to tell dean about everything that was within the new boundary that held them back. he didn’t let anyone see through his chest so they could notice his broken heart. he knew he wasn’t the only one with a broken heart - most people had lost someone dear to them the past months. but as far as he knew, no one had lost someone that still stood alive next to them. 

it was during the fifth party that it happened. before, the games had been somewhat safe. they got to talk about the war, though not about the deepest stuff, and it all helped them to understand each other better, and it helped them to start heal. seamus learned about what had happened to draco in the manor and he learned how dean had been locked in together with luna in the malfoys’ dungeon but that draco had tried to make it more comfortable to them, without it showing to the other death eaters in the house. the gratitude seamus felt at that had him lightheaded and he had left the party early.

he had been one of the first students to leave every time, but never had he left as quickly as he did on the fifth party. the other student had decided that it was time to focus on having a bit of fun to distract them from the dark memories and painful thoughts, and therefore they were playing spin the bottle. dean was the third person to spin it. it ended up pointing to draco (mind you, this was before draco and harry had started to shuffle to the outskirts of their little student ring - that wouldn’t happen until a few weeks later) and the kiss that the two men had seamus heart ache. within seconds he was filled with too many emotions and he didn’t know what to do with himself. jealousy, sadness, longing, anything that came with a heartbreak in an already broken heart. 

before the next person could spin the bottle, he was out of the room. he ran to his dormitory, not caring if anyone saw him. he was a bit too busy to swipe away his tears. it wasn’t until he had fallen upon his bed that he could let his thoughts fly freely. why did he feel like this? it wasn’t fair! hadn’t he already suffered enough? he knew it wasn’t fair to dean either, that he held this against him. of course dean could kiss whomever he wanted, seamus couldn’t come between him and his happiness. but still, the pain was too much for seamus to bear. he fell asleep then and there, on his bed. but it wasn’t his bed. it was dean’s. and when the latter came back to see his best friend asleep on his bed, clutching the sheets between his hands, dean let a small smile be shown on his lips. 

seamus was quite cute like this, with his freckled filled face laid upon dean’s pillow and his strong but gangly body sprawled upon the bed. it was when dean pulled the blanket up to tuck seamus in that he noticed the slight redness around seamus eyes and he realised that he had been crying as he fell asleep. but why would that be? nightmares, maybe? dean made a mental note to ask seamus about it at breakfast the next morning.

seamus woke up earlier than all his friends, and his eyes immediately fell upon dean’s figure that was laying on seamus bed. it was first then that seamus realised that he had fallen asleep on the wrong bed. but the thought didn’t bother him as much as the next one: why hadn’t dean come to sleep next to him like they had done before the war? it scared seamus, because perhaps it meant that dean didn’t even want to be his best friend anymore? when dean woke up later, seamus was gone - nowhere to be found. they only saw each other briefly during classes, but seamus was always sitting next to other people and when each lecture ended, he was the first one to leave the classroom, determined to keep his distance from dean so that he wouldn’t bother him. 

this continued for the rest of the week and it wasn’t until they once again were seated in the room of requirement that dean finally was able to sit next to seamus again. apparently the last game had been a good distraction for those who stayed longer than ten minutes the week before, so they had decided to once again play spin the bottle. seamus had decided that he would make it through the game a little bit longer than last time, only to show himself that he could stay strong for dean’s sake.

he did manage it. but maybe it would’ve been better if he hadn’t. first, dean had spun to kiss parvati patil, and it once again made seamus’ stomach twirl as he watched the other man lock lips with another person. but he didn’t leave. he stayed and some time later he had to spin the bottle himself. it showed that he should kiss ron. he did, and though ron wasn’t bad at kissing, he still felt sick afterwards. it was just _wrong_. he wasn’t supposed to kiss those lips. those lips weren’t dean’s. 

right after, it was once again dean’s turn. he spun the bottle which pointed to blaise. before he could help himself, seamus let out a low growl. dean gave him a sideways glance which showed that he had heard seamus and the latter looked down on the floor in embarrassment - he had decided to _not_ bother dean, for merlin’s sake! as dean and blaise let themselves kiss each other quite thoroughly, seamus gave up. he couldn’t do this. he let out a distressed huff as he stood up and once again left the room before anyone else. he spent the next week being even more careful to avoid dean and ignoring his bleeding heart. 

the next week’s game came upon them and seamus seriously contemplated not going at all, it would just leave him too much pain. but then harry came and convinced him that harry needed him there. as moral support. because he was starting to _like_ malfoy. it made seamus snigger a bit before he agreed to come.

this time, when dean spun the bottle, seamus thought that he saw ron draw his wand, but he didn’t care. all he could think about was how it stopped with its neck pointed straight at seamus. his mind reeled. what was he going to do? dean had made it clear that seamus wasn’t _that_ to him anymore, and this was probably something that he absolutely didn’t want to do, so it would be best if seamus refused. but on the other hand, seamus heart had ached for this the past months and seamus didn’t really have it in him to say no. not even to keep himself from bothering dean.

they were pulled together like two magnets, and seamus opened his mouth to dean’s tongue even before the latter asked for admittance. seamus placed his hands on dean’s hips, cherishing the feeling of his life’s love this close to him. it didn’t take long before he heard himself moan, but the sound also caused reality to crash down on him. dean didn’t want this. seamus abruptly pushed dean away and before he could meet his eyes, he rose to leave. again. just as he was about to pass through the door, he turned to give harry an apologetic smile. he wasn’t ready to see the compassion in harry’s green eyes though. what did it mean? seamus shook his head to clear the thought away and then he was out of the room, the door quickly closing behind him. 

he had only made it halfway down the corridor when he heard the door open and his name was shouted. dean. seamus slowly turned and saw how his former best friend came running towards him. he asked what was wrong. seamus shrugged his shoulders. nothing. nothing was _wrong_. or well, everything was wrong because they were all eighteen or nineteen and they had fought a war. but nothing was wrong with him. dean told him to cut it, that he knew something was bothering seamus and that he was determined to find out what it was. seamus just shook his head and turned to continue his path to his dormitory. but dean put a hand on his shoulder and stopped him. his hand was warm and despite it being quite delicate, it was also very strong. probably the outcome of all the years of painting. seamus remembered that summer night after seamus had kissed dean for the first time, and they had gotten together. 

dean had brought them out on a field where they could just be together as they looked up at the stars in the sky. dean had brought his sketchbook with him and even in the dim light, he managed to draw a perfect portrait of seamus stargazing. when seamus had asked him about it, how he could draw seamus like that even in the dark, dean had confessed that he had watched seamus quite a lot and he knew every curl of his hair, every shining glint in his eyes. seamus remembered how happy he had been that dean _knew_ him, and that he had kissed him deeply after that. he had kissed him with his eyes open, so that he wouldn’t miss the happiness that shone through dean’s soft, brown eyes.

he looked up in those eyes now. it was a big mistake. suddenly he felt like he was free falling. he couldn’t look away, even as he felt how those eyes drew all his emotions to the surface. he broke down. his eyes filled with tears and the started to tremble quite violently. dean carefully but his arms around seamus and even though seamus tried to break free, he kept his hold on him. his voice once again asked what was wrong, and the tenderness made it impossible fir seamus to withstand. he told him about the wall, about the broken heart, about the fear and the feeling of being lost, the jealousy that wasn’t his to feel, and the loneliness. he told dean everything while he buried his face into dean’s shirt. when he was done, he felt much less heavy and he could stand on his own again. he apologised and moved to go away again. but dean stopped him.

he kissed seamus. and though seamus was strong enough to stand by himself, he surely wasn’t strong enough to stop himself from kissing back. he let every bit of him fall back to dean’s strong body and he poured all of him into the kiss. when they broke free dean pulled seamus chin up with affectionate fingers so that he could meet his gaze. he told seamus how stupid he was, because dean had never stopped loving him. but seamus had always pulled away first, so dean had thought that they needed time. dean said that he was stupid because if he had just told dean about all this, then he wouldn’t’ve had to live through all this pain. then they kissed again, much more chastely now, before they made their way to their dormitory. together. where they’d talk about everything that they hadn’t talked about since the war. and share a lot more kisses to ease the pain.

you see, it wasn’t draco and harry that started the ‘stay out of the circle and cuddle’ thing. it was dean and seamus. you see, you probably thought that seamus was the one that secured the supply of alcoholic beverages during those parties, but he wasn’t. it was zacharias smith that stood for that part. seamus was just there to feel the warmth of dean’s body pressed against his back while they listened to everyone else tell stories or watched as their classmates played more of their muggle party games. 

it was dean and seamus that started to cuddle during the games, but it was draco and harry that started to get more… sexual during them. _that_ was something that dean and seamus only did when they were on their own - it was a moment that was theirs and only theirs to share.

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**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> I'd like to point out that I did not proofread this before posting, nor did I write it in a document with helpful writing tools. I just typed it into the text post box on tumblr and then posted it directly. and then i copied it on here. so there were probably a lot of mistakes and plotpoints that didn't make any sense and I apologise for that. Nonetheless, I still hope that the read was somewhat pleasant and if you'd like to, you're more than welcome to share your thoughts in the comments.


End file.
